Hypergamy is the action of marrying a person of a superior caste, class, or social status than themselves.
Wikipedia defines Hypergamy as a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves.
Merriam Webster just defines “hypergamy” as: marriage into an equal or higher caste or social group.
They go on to say it’s colloquially known as “marrying up”.
But, you’ll see tons of mentions of “hypergamy” on blogs and forums that have nothing to do with marrying.
So, plenty of people apply hypergamy to dating critique, as well.
Urban Dictionary is surprisingly voluble here.
There are several long-winded contributors.
Each has plenty to say about what hypergamy is, whether it exists and, if it does, what hypergamy means for men, women, and apparently the state of civilization itself.
The top definition digs into some Jordan Peterson style armchair evolutionary psychology.
The writer claims that women instinctively seek out the best providers.
This is because, in past eras, they’d be depending on this guy to feed and house them and their young.
They go on to say that it’s an instinct that’s stuck around while social structures like monogamy have deteriorated.
The end result is serial monogamy, where people move from one relationship to another, always trying to trade up.
The second most popular definition is shorter, but it makes up in hysteria what it lacks in verbiage: The tendency for women to deceive men and leech money and resources off them.
The third most popular, yet still highly downvoted, definition disagrees with the other two.
This writer says that not all women are alike and that evolutionary psychology is bunk anyway.
It’s something MRAs and the like use to defend behavior they like and condemn anything they don’t like in women.
This author says that hypergamy doesn’t exist at all.
So, is hypergamy really just a fancy word for gold-digger?
Is it an inherent quality in women or behavior that some people choose?
And, most importantly, is it bad or something that is neutral depending on how people choose?
Let’s just start by saying that everyone is looking to date the best person they can get.
For some people, this means finding someone really funny and smart.
For other people, it comes down to wanting someone who can take them to exciting or luxurious places.
Some are really into the idea of providing for someone. Some want to be provided for.
Some evolutionary psychologists say that female hypergamy is what drove human evolution.
In earlier eras, women had to choose wisely to provide for themselves and their offspring.
Since women were selecting specifically for the best of the best, only those guys got to pass on their genes.
As a result, only the most desirable traits made it to modern-day.
Women in modern times don’t necessarily need male protection and assets.
They can get their own.
But, for some, the chance to have that old fashioned exchange has an appeal.
Some like the idea of having a mate who is stronger than they are.
They like the idea of being pampered and cared for.
They are willing, in some cases, to take a submissive role and choose someone who they consider better.
These are the women who choose hypergamy as a high status dating.
A subset will be found in the sugar dating culture, but you’ll find it in day to day life, as well.
In the end, women who are into hypergamy are into someone who they feel is a catch.
If a man can make her feel that she’s getting the better end of the deal, he can probably win her affection.
It’s better to admit that it feels good to be pursued by a woman who knows what she wants, especially if what she wants is you.
This guide is going to address women, even though both males and females can be hypergamous.
After all, if you’re a good looking specimen, male or female, the idea of using what you have to snag a rich mate has appeal.
However, we’re gonna stick with the dominant narrative here for simplicity.
If you want to reverse the roles, it shouldn’t be too hard to flip things around.
So, how do you trade up from the socioeconomic place you’re in and get to where you want to be?
It’s good to remember that any relationship is an exchange.
People freely give of what they have to offer.
If you’re lucky, you find someone who has their own offerings to give to you.
If you ask a man what he wants from a woman, there are a few things that will be on the list. Beauty.
A charming nature. Exciting and engaging conversation.
Love, affection, and attention.
Chances are, whether he says it or not, he wants someone sexually adventurous with an appetite that matches his.
A woman who wants to practice hypergamy can get what she wants by developing those qualities.
Eat right and work out to look your very best.
Don’t skimp on grooming.
Pick out flattering clothing that will match the places you want someone to take you.
But, being a pleasant companion is not about looks alone.
Interior qualities matter.
A woman who wants to attract a well-to-do man needs to be able to keep his interest.
This means educating yourself about the sorts of things that he will also be into.
You don’t need an MBA’s understanding of finance, but it is good to at least understand enough to follow market movements.
Peruse the tech and finance pages of news sites so that you know what the big ballers are talking about.
Be engaged and interested in what he does and what he likes.
Listen more often than you talk.
Make him feel like a million bucks. (Whether he has one million or ten.)
On the other side of the equation?
If you are a man with means, you have what it takes to attract and keep beautiful women.
The first step, of course, is to accrue that fortune.
So, learn how to code, figure out finance or invent the next trending social network or something.
Alright, now that you’re rich, let’s get to work.
A man’s ability to practice hypergamy comes down to visibility and signaling.
We’re not talking about being loud and ostentatious about the money that you have.
You are likely to turn a lot of women off with that sort of attitude.
Instead, work at cultivating good taste.
If you aren’t a clothes horse, get a stylish friend to dress you.
Learn a bit about wine.
But, most of all, develop the character traits that show you are a high-value man.
She is looking for a benefactor.
If you come off cheap or greedy, she is going to move on.
Work on inhabiting those qualities and the right women will be drawn to you.
Eventually, you’ll be able to pick the one who offers what you want, as well.
“Hypogamy” refers to marrying a person of lower social class, considered marrying down.
Hypogamy would be, in modern dating, dating someone who just isn’t good enough for you.
This could be a guy who is broke, the proverbial fuckboy we wrote about last year.
Or, it could be a woman who either doesn’t take care of herself or who isn’t much to look at in the first place.
Hypogamy also involves what someone’s like on the inside.
If you have a pretty girl who is mean, rude or not too bright, you aren’t necessarily coming out on top, you know?
A guy with money who is never home or who can’t be emotionally intimate may be considered a poor catch, as well.
In the end, it comes down to respecting yourself and feeling you deserve better. Don’t settle.
If you want someone who is better than you, become the person who can reasonably attain that.
One place you’ll see “hypergamy” discussed a lot is among the MGTOW crowd.
That’s “Men Going Their Own Way.”
MGTOWs are men who have decided that they are no longer interacting with women.
They try not to work with women. They refuse to marry. Some won’t even date. They are Going Their Own Way.
MGTOWs see hypergamy everywhere.
A woman wearing makeup? Hypergamy! She wears makeup to fake beauty so she can cunningly lure a man who is out of her league.
A woman that doesn’t want to date a specific guy? Hypergamy! She thinks she’s too good for this MGTOW!
What these guys miss is that it doesn’t matter why someone doesn’t want to be with you.
Getting that out of the way leaves you free to pursue someone else and maybe make a match.
Additionally, if you are able to hack hypergamy, you can be the one that a hot, hypergamous chick chooses.
Resenting how other people act isn’t going to change them. It’s just going to make you weird and bitter.
So, if you are going to go your own way, by all means, just go. We’re cool with it.
As you’ve seen above, lots of guys see hypergamy as something that is negative.
Their minds immediately head straight to gold-digging.
However, hypergamy and gold-digging should be considered different and separate.
Gold digging is being out for someone’s money.
Someone who is a gold digger doesn’t care about anything else.
She will put up with someone boring or ugly just to get a hold of his cash.
Attraction and affection have nothing to do with it.
A woman who is hypergamous, on the other hand, likes rich, powerful, high-status guys.
The hard work he has put into accomplishing what he wants is part of the attraction for her.
And, if you’ve busted your ass to make bank, don’t you want someone who appreciates that?
Plus, if you believe the evolutionary psych guys, hypergamy made us what we are today.
If you like modern conveniences, you also have to like women who choose the best.
When people think of examples of hypergamy, one of the first that usually comes to mind is Anna Nicole Smith and her marriage to 89-year old billionaire J. Howard Marshall.
Their early relationship follows the modern sugar baby model in a way that sounds uncanny today.
Marshall had become a billionaire due to his holdings in Koch Industries, where he held a 16% share.
The couple met in 1991 during a dayshift performance at a Houston strip club.
Anna was showing off some assets of her own during a sultry striptease to the song “Lady in Red.”
The billionaire tycoon was instantly smitten.
He invited her to lunch the next day and she accepted.
When she said she had to go back to work, he slid her an envelope.
Inside was a stack of hundreds.
Marshall told Anna that she didn’t have to go back to work anymore.
Over their two year courtship, Marshall would shower Anna with gifts that included fine jewelry and fancy cars.
They had regular dinner dates at his favorite restaurant, Red Lobster.
He asked her to marry him many times, but she took her time giving in.
She was starting on her modeling career, though.
Anna told him she didn’t want to marry him until she was a success in her own right.
When she was named Playboy’s Playmate of the year, she had the success she was looking for.
The couple was wed in 1994.
While it was, by all accounts, an affectionate marriage, it was also a short one.
Marshall died at the age of 90, leaving her to battle it out in court over his estate.
So, ladies, let that part be a lesson: if you want to secure your future, get it in writing!
Clearly, sugar dating and hypergamy are closely linked.
Most sugar babies aren’t looking for a husband.
But, they are definitely looking for someone who has the means to support them well.
Sugar dating takes the subterfuge out of dating hypergamy.
Men with money get to flaunt their assets.
And, women with beauty and charm turn around and flaunt theirs.
Have clear expectations.
Don’t be afraid to shatter taboos.
It means that it’s easier for people to find exactly the arrangement that they want.
Love the idea of getting spoiled or spoiling someone?
Maybe sugar dating is for you.
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